If you think you may be a problem gardener take the following short quiz. You must be completely honest to get accurate results.
1) Have you ever told your family, "I'll be outside pulling weeds for a few minutes." and they find you five hours later covered in pollen and mud?
2) Have you ever taken a quick pick-up-a-few-herbs-for-your-patio-planters trip to the local nursery and on your return home spent two hours unloading the back of your van?
3) Do you still subscribe to your local paper for the weekly gardening section?
4) Do you follow more than ten gardening blogs?
5) Do you own more than fifteen hand trowels and/or twenty garden gloves?
6) Have you learned to love spiders, bees, and garden snakes?
7) Do you wish you'd taken Latin in high school so you could remember all the scientific plant names?
8) Are you a master gardener or seriously contemplating becoming one?
9) Do you tenderly cup a new blossom in your hand and whisper sweet nothings into its stamens?
10) Have you subdivided your closet and chest of drawers into gardening and non-gardening clothing?
Count your total yeses
1-4 You are still a regular human being who can associate comfortably with family and friends.
5-6 You are drifting perilously close to the point of no return. Use a kitchen timer when you go outside and strictly limit your gardening to three hours a day. Give away your extra trowels and gloves.
7-8 You are a problem gardener. Seek out a twelve step group immediately. Also check with your doctor, there may be medicines that can help.
9-10 You are a fully-fledged addict- Give up the fight and enjoy!
The Case Against Earthworms by Thomas Christopher
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